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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in suebunny's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
1:04 am
merry christmas!! <3
Monday, October 29th, 2007
2:37 am
waaah
graaah
why can i not sleeeeep??

;_;

Current Mood: annoyed and awake
Friday, October 5th, 2007
12:29 am
i absolutely detest not being able to sleep

however i love catching late night episodes of anime or coupling
such. a. great. show.
Wednesday, September 26th, 2007
11:44 pm
x_X ---tf?
i met a prospective girlfriend at the interpol concert
that was a bit random and strange
she was a tad drunk
she pet me and groped my butt and then was like "oh, i dont even know your name yet"

grope first! ask questions later!

she was a friend of a friend of my brother in law o.O
all in all the concert was good and the evening was... entertaining
if a bartender makes a whiskey sour with jack... fire them --- its disgusting



im beginning to lose interest in school and life again
bleh
ive reached another period in time where, for the most part - i just wanna hole up at home and disappear for a few months - unfortunately that doesnt work for me, school and whatnot... and people telling me i cant live in my imaginary world

damn people, always ruining my fun

must create more art that is not just for school purposes! RHAR!

stupid art supplies being stupid expensive!


at least carving soap makes me smell pretty
Wednesday, August 8th, 2007
2:53 am
3 am on a school night
livejournal says it has been two weeks since I posted, so perhaps it is time again for a rambling.
recent moments of annoyance:
improperly bound books from the library with titles that allude to information that is not existing within the pages of the ill put together tome
feeling sick all time time
forgetting to take my medication
and last but certainly not least - people who comment rants of annoyance at people for posting complaints, unpleasant situations/conversations, traumatic events, or any type of event in their journal ------
THATS WHAT A JOURNAL IS FOR IF YOU DONT LIKE IT DONT READ IT
ahem, moving on

its getting towards the end of the summer semesters and I let my work pile up - that is really no surprise
I made a schedule to get things done on time and broke it, of course. however, i should still be able to get everything done on time. I feel as if i am subconsciously being self destructive BUT if i am aware of this, can i really call it subconscious? I dont want to be... bah. I frequently confuse myself.

all i have to say is my normal complaints of feeling ill, non-worky meds, stress stress stress, and the other things of that sort - so i will refrain from complaints at this time as i have done so quite frequently and understand that variety is, indeed, the fun spicy goodness of life

it is 3 am on a school night and sleep is nowhere in sight

i want to piece together a journal/scrap book of very particular items in my life - mostly things that portray greatly my personality and opinions... i think this will come in handy several years from now when i am looking back wondering how i got to where i am. I feel that way now. I occasionally find detailed snippets of my past and i look at them and say, "was i ever really that little girl, thinking those thoughts, feeling those feelings, wanting those wants?" I think a chronological display of the minute changes over stretches of time might help me to be able to ground myself in some way - heh or it could do the complete opposite; i will never know until i try. But will I? Or will it be another idea, project, dream, that never sees the light of day.

i have been painfully and sickeningly over emotional for the past year, or maybe more. I dont remember, i guess i have tried to block it out. I dont want to be emotionless thats about as much fun as having the overly emotional moments. I use the term "moments" loosely, it is really a much greater time period than a moment. I want to cry and scream and rage about every little thing. Movies that are a little sad make me want to sob and i physically have to fight away tears.
not only this but i have also been having a severe mental crisis to do with reality and religion - a persons purpose on this world. i feel so much pain when thinking of what some humans dare to do to other humans. I wont even begin to get into that. I claim to be pagan, it is good and fun, it encompasses all the ideals i need to explain things i have encountered in my life. However, and this is where it gets sketchy - i have no proofs of a persons purpose in this life. I so desperately want to have a purpose because if I dont: why have i had to deal with what I have, and why have others felt their pain and suffering as well? If we really have no purpose - then why go on? I guess its the age old question of 'why am i here?'
As i look at that it seems like such a negative outlook but I have rationalized myself out of pains and depressions for short times as often as I've been capable and that is one thing I've always come back to. I make up explanations of how we are needed and have purposes to the world and one another and i so vehemently defend it when it is brought up - but i think that I do not really believe it. And not believing in a religion or a purpose while being in such a negative mental state as i am can be a very dangerous thing. I do not WANT to be negative. I certainly do not want to be depressed. I do not want to have any of the problems that I have - i could go into reasons why i would most definitely never want them but I'll let it go for now.

i need to create something! inspire me!
to write or draw or paint or just CREATE
inspire me inspire me inspire me!

Current Mood: contemplative
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
3:45 pm
i get annoyed by the silliest things
Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
3:40 am
wee insomnia sucks! ^_^
my brain is full of thoughts
this is interesting, yes?
Monday, June 25th, 2007
2:21 am
true colors tour
the true colors tour was a great concert
Friday, June 22nd, 2007
3:25 am
Monthly update?
It has been some time since I have actually written anything worthwhile about what is going on in my life.
(Is any of it ever worthwhile? Hah see, I said it before anyone else could!)
Still living with my sister and brother-in-law - home life is going well except for the fact that I feel like such a mooch.
Leading me to point two. I still don't have a job however I have almost completed (sending it in later today actually) the application to be a teachers assistant in an elementary school somewhere in the school district my sister works for. Huzzah.
Saturday is the Gay pride parade and festival; gonna to see if I can pluck up the courage to go (to at least the parade).
Sunday (my sis just got the tickets today, hooray!) sister and I are going to the True Colors tour (the money goes to a good cause and there are a lot of great musicians going to be there.) That should be fun!
I'm single and confused and frustrated.
The depression comes and goes - I've been in a bit of a slump lately - hopefully getting up off my butt, out of my room, and running around like mad tomorrow will help me get out of it.
I need a haircut.
I also need to make about a dozen different doc appointments (ok so thats a slight exaggeration - but only slight!)
Since I'm taking summer courses at NHMCC I have two different school worth of sign-in things and passwords I'm supposed to remember and I've been trying to sign in to a bunch of things for both schools and I cant remember the appropriate names and passwords for any of them! Fruuuuuuustrating - mostly my fault - but frustrating nonetheless.
Well I can't really think of anything else for now.
Wish me luck!
Saturday, June 16th, 2007
6:27 pm
o?

What Kind of Geek are You?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Your IQ is very high
You are a word nerd
Your strength is you actually have social skills
Your weakness is caffine
You think normal people are interesting
Normal people think that you are disturbed
This cool quiz by owlsamantha - Taken 279466 Times.
</a>
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes




i can accept this i think
and sure, I have them - i just dont USE them >:D
Friday, May 11th, 2007
2:57 pm
sleep anyone?
my sleeping habits are irritating me
for the past week or so i'd been going to bed around 6am and getting up at 1 in the afternoon - thats not too much sleep and i still had the second half of the day to go out and play and all night to sit at home on the internet and be chatty and whatnot
well two night ago i went to sleep at 7am, oddly enough it was harder, i felt like i should just stay awake through the day but i knew i needed sleep so i did
i woke up at 1am again - not too bad ^_^
then last night
i figured perhaps i should try going to bed earlier? waste lest of the day and all that
nope. same thing that used to happen happened - i went to sleep at 4am and slept till almost 3pm
wtf? i used to try to go to sleep at night, 10pm, 11pm, 12am, 1am, etc and i would wake up sometime between 1-2 in the afternoon (usually)
so maybe staying up all night and sleeping till the same time isnt so bad? whenever i try to go to bed earlier i just roll around and around
and I've tried always setting an alarm and getting up earlier and exhausting myself to sleep - doest work
why am i broken? lol
this is gonna suck when classes start again ;_;

Current Mood: annoyed
Sunday, April 15th, 2007
7:35 pm
175 out of 239? help?
i think... i need... help -.-

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 movies on this list. Copy this list, go to your own lj, paste this as a note. Then, put X's next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun!



(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(X) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
(X) Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane
Total: 10

(X) The Princess Bride
(X) AnchorMan
(X) Napoleon Dynamite
(X) Labyrinth
(X) Saw
(X) Saw II
(X) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(X) Anger Management
(X) 50 First Dates
(X) The Princess Diaries
(X) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total: 11

(X) Scream
(X) Scream 2
(X) Scream 3
(X) Scary Movie
(X) Scary Movie 2
(X) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
(X) American Wedding
(X) American Pie Band Camp
Total: 10

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
(X) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(X) The Village
(X) Lilo & Stitch
Total: 8

(X) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(X) Signs
(X) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original 1974 edition)
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(X) Butterfly Effect
(X) 13 Going on 30
(X) I, Robot
(X) Robots
Total: 7

(X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(X) Lemony Snickt: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X) Along Came Polly
( )Deep Impact
(X) King Pin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
(X) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
(X) Joe Dirt
(X) KING KONG
Total: 9

( ) A Cinderella Story
(X) The Terminal
(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
(X) Dumber & Dumberer
(X) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween (old version)
(X) The Ring
(X) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(X) Flubber
Total: 8

(X) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
(X) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(X) Hellboy
(X) Secret Window
(X) I Am Sam
(X) The Whole Nine Yards
(X) The Whole Ten Yards
Total: 8

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
(X) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(X) Gothika
(X) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
(X) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
(X) The Grudge
(X) The Grudge 2
(X) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total: 8

(X) Bad Boys
(X) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(X) Lucky Number Sleven
(X) Ocean's Eleven
(X) Ocean's Twelve
(X) Bourne Identity
(X) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(X) Bedazzled
(X) Predator I
( ) Predator II
(X) The Fog
(X) Ice Age
(X) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total: 12

(X) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(X) Maid in Manhattan
(X) War of the Worlds
(X) Rush Hour
(X) Rush Hour 2
Total: 6

( ) Best Bet
(X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(X) Sideways
(X) Mars Attacks
(X) Event Horizon
(X) Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
(X) Big Trouble in Little China (big man small child)
(X) The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total: 11

(X) X-Men
(X) X2
(X) X-3
(X) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
(X) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
(X) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(X) Cruel Intentions
(X) Cruel Intentions 2
(X) The Hot Chick
(X) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
Total: 14

( ) Swimfan
(X) Miracle on 34th street
(X) Old School
(X) The Notebook
(X) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(X) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
(X) Boogeyman
(X) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total: 7

(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total: 6

(X) Baseketball
(X) Hostel
(X) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(X) Elf
(X) Highlander
(X) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total: 6

(X) The Jacket
(X) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
(X) Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(X) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total: 7

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(X) Hulk
(X) Dawn Of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
(X) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(X) Waterworld
Total: 6

(X) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
(X) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
(X) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) The Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(X) Army of Darkness
Total: 4

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
(X) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total: 7

(X) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
(X) The Matrix Revolutions
(X) Animatrix
(X) Evil Dead
(X) Evil Dead 2
(X) Team America: World Police
(X) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
(X) Hannibal
Total: 10



Now add them up, put "I've seen x out of 239 movies!" in the subject line, and repost it
Thursday, December 28th, 2006
3:54 am
sleep is for the weak?
i think im just not going to sleep tonight (this morning?)
but im not quite sure yet.................................

we shall see

if i dont, this will make for an interesting day.... today.

Current Mood: awake
Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
3:23 pm
im confused... in general

part of me wants to stick with this computer science degree because i like computer science and i can probably get a good job
but its frustrating

part of me wants to major in art
because i love art
if i didnt have anything to do all day... id paint, or draw, or write, or something of that sort

im just confused...


but i think if i changed my major again, my dad would kill me
Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
3:04 pm
i didnt know my station wagon could go that fast
driving with the windows down
and for a split second
i was going more than 100 mph
couldnt hear anything except the rushing of air and the cars being left behind
i changed lanes
none of it helped






there are so many things i want to tell you but i dont know how
it would only make things worse
its so hard to imagine living my life without you
you have become such a part of everything...
now everything hurts
Friday, November 10th, 2006
1:47 pm
severely. annoyed.

so i sent the request to UNT
they sent out the transcript
somehow a week or more passed between that and UH getting it?

and now i need to sign up for classes on tuesday
but they got it yesterday and it takes seven to ten days to put in the system


*sings*
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO screwed!!!
lalala...






h8
Saturday, November 4th, 2006
9:32 pm
im tired
im awake
two nights ago i didnt even lay down till after 5 AM and awoke before 10 AM
last night i didnt lay down till after 3 AM i know i was awake a long while after that, i awoke before 9 AM

i lost my job
it was stupid
i dont want to get into it

i feel dead all over - this is nothing new
im just really REALLY tired of it.

thats it. I've had enough.


so what do i fucking do?

everytime i turn around im lying to myself

i sit awake for hours listening to the same song over and over
-repeat-

its the one i posted the other day

its like my brain thinks if i listen to it enough something will click and get better
or maybe it just makes me think that maybe love really does exist

theres a few songs that do that now

but i dont really believe them

at least not for me

why do people think they love me?
why cant i date someone who doesnt think they are in love with me within the first week?
fuck.

bitching ends...

...

...

...

here.
Friday, October 27th, 2006
7:08 am
they dont love you like i love you
Pack up
I'm straight
Enough
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...

Made off
Don't stray
My kind's your kind
I'll stay the same

Pack up
Don't stray
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-aps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...
Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-aps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...

Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...

Current Mood: nostalgic
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
10:39 pm
wee bad weather
wee bad weather
its quite stormy because apparently a cold front or something is supposed to be coming through...

SO i finished my application to UH awhile ago but i forgot to request transcripts <-- st0000pid

i just filled out the form to send to UNT and i need to talk to someone at nhmccd because it SEEMS like each college i was at needs to send transcripts separately? wtf? i dunno hopefully the little thing that just sends grades will be enough - especially considering i have my associates degree now...

who knows, this should be interesting

on another note
ive been incredibly depressed the past two days or so

my meds arent working right, or something
this will need to be figured out and the problem needs to be solved
soon.

Current Mood: depressed
Sunday, October 8th, 2006
3:53 am
double you tea eff
i dunno man
i cant sleep
my psychiatrist has me on new meds but i dunno if they are helping at all
school is, well, school - I've been procrastinating a bit on homeworks, but what else is new?

my brain is all mushy, i dont know whats going on or what i want to do with myself

i have feelings that i wish i could form into words, i know there are things in there i need to say to people, i just dont know how to talk to them

im very tired, not sleepy, tired
i dont feel depressed right now, i just feel tired of trying
that sounds more emo than i mean it to sound
i feel like i need some cushy place where i could just lay down and sleep for a year and wake up being fully rested and no longer tired in anyway
but thats too easy, isnt it?

rats :D

i tried dying my hair purple but that failed on many levels
there is a purpley tint to it that you can see in the right light, but not at all what i had intended - thats usually how it goes... plans dont usually work out when i make them lol
i need to stop trying to plan... but sometimes i so desparately want something!

i stopped chewing my nails, they are growing out... woo nails
what other nervous habits do i have?

i dont think im going to sleep to night
for some reason i think im supposed to be doing something tomorrow?
i cant remember - if you know what im supposed to be doing, let me know!

i need new work clothes, perhaps i will try shopping for them again tomorrow
i have one work shirt and one pant
neeeeed more stuffs :o

i wish i could form whatever is in my head into words - i really need some sort of inspiration or something but since i lack it i am just typing inane nonsenses

im afraid that if i had inspiration id do nothing because im too tired... tired in life, not of it... bluh
bluuuuuuh

where (plausable things, here) can i find some inspiration?

yarrrrr
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